Welcome to
Weinberg Compass
Thirty years of helping people love each other well. Where are you right now?
DatingKnow what you're actually looking for.
Young marriedsBuild the marriage you meant to.
Parents of teensStay close to a teenager who's pulling away.
High-conflict marriageStop having the same fight.
Not sure which one is you? Take the three-minute pattern quiz
PLACEHOLDER: Noam introduces Weinberg Compass
Video, 60 to 90 sec
Where you may have seen Noam
- Writes at The Times of Israel
PLACEHOLDER: endorsement, venue, or publication
PLACEHOLDER: endorsement, venue, or publication
Rabbi Dr. Noam Weinberg
I know what happens when love feels threatened.
People come to me saying they have a communication problem. They almost never do. What I see is two people handling a threat. One moves closer, the other pulls away, and both are trying to feel safe by getting the other one to change.
My work is not deciding who is right. It’s teaching a person to catch what is happening inside them while it is still happening, settle it without handing it to everyone else, and choose how they want to show up.
Everything I teach builds toward one question: given what I am feeling right now, who do I want to be in this relationship?
30 years
working with couples, parents and families
PLACEHOLDER: Real number
families worked with
PLACEHOLDER: Real number
students taught
The fastest way in
Find your pattern in three minutes.
Twelve everyday moments. At the end, the thing you do when love feels threatened gets a name, and you get the first step for changing it.
Pursuer
Moves closer when it's shaky, even when closer isn't what's needed.
Withdrawer
Goes quiet right when more is asked for, not less.
Controller
Takes charge of an outcome nobody asked to be managed.
Defender
Makes sure the record stays balanced before anyone gets heard.
No account. The result is yours to share with whoever it’s about.
Dating
Attraction tells you less than you think it does.
The question I hear most from people who are dating is some version of “am I attracted enough.” It's a real question, and it's the wrong one to decide on. What I look at is simpler and harder to fake: do you actually enjoy being close to this person, and do you both have the emotional skills to build something once the attraction settles into ordinary life.
Dating With Clarity
“Am I attracted enough?”
“Do I actually enjoy being close to this person?”
Getting Ready for Relationships
“Will this relationship make me happy?”
“Do I have the emotional skills to build something healthy with another person?”
Young marrieds
The first years set the patterns you'll live with for decades.
Most young couples think the assignment is to communicate better. It isn't. The real work is learning to talk so that defensiveness stops being necessary, and to fight in a way that does less damage and tells more truth. That way the disagreements you're going to have anyway build the marriage instead of wearing it down.
Communication That Actually Works
“We need to communicate better.”
“How do we talk so that defensiveness stops being necessary?”
Fighting Better
“How do we stop fighting?”
“How do we fight in a way that does less damage and reveals more truth?”
Parents of teens
A teenager pulling away is not, on its own, a discipline problem.
Parents come to me asking how to get their teenager back in line. What's underneath is usually development, not defiance. I teach parents to move from control to influence, so they stay effective parents at exactly the point they can no longer control their child's inner world.
Parenting Adolescents
“Why is my teenager doing this to me?”
“What is developmental here, and how do I move from control to influence?”
When Your Teen Pulls Away
“How do I get my child back in line?”
“How do I stay an effective parent when I cannot control my child's inner world?”
High-conflict marriage
When a marriage becomes a battlefield, “who's right” is the wrong question.
By the time a relationship feels like a battlefield, both people are asking which of them is causing the problem. I ask something different: what keeps happening between you, and what is each of you feeding into it. And where there's been a real injury, the question isn't how to get past it quickly. It's what has to happen for safety and trust to be rebuilt.
When the Relationship Becomes the Battlefield
“Which partner is causing the problem?”
“What keeps happening between them, and what is each one feeding it?”
After the Injury
“How do we get past this?”
“What has to happen for safety and trust to have any chance of being rebuilt?”
For professionals
Already work with people? Make relationships your specialty.
- The certificationTen trainings taught live by me, with mentorship while you use the method with your own clients.See the certification
- CoursesThe method cut to one kind of client. Four self-paced courses, one for each of the four above.Browse the courses
- Is this for your practice?Ten questions and a straight answer, including when the answer is not this year.Take the practitioner quiz
What people say
“I was 34 and honestly starting to believe marriage just wasn’t going to happen for me. Dating had become exhausting, and I didn’t trust myself anymore. Working with Rabbi Dr. Weinberg changed the way I dated and, more importantly, the way I saw myself. A few months later I met the man I’m now engaged to. I still can’t believe I get to write that sentence.”
M.R.
Dating, now engaged
“We got married loving each other very much, but we had no idea how hard the beginning of marriage could actually be. Small things turned into huge fights, and both of us were starting to wonder why this felt so difficult. Rabbi Dr. Weinberg gave us simple tools that completely changed the way we speak and listen to each other. We still disagree, but our home feels safe again, and that means everything to us.”
A. and J.
Newly married
“My daughter and I were barely speaking. Every conversation became a fight, and we were both getting to the point where cutting each other off felt easier than continuing to get hurt. Rabbi Dr. Weinberg helped me understand that being right was not the same thing as saving the relationship. Today my daughter is back in my life, we talk, we laugh, and we are rebuilding something I thought we had lost for good.”
D.K.
Parent
“After more than 20 years of marriage, we had become roommates who knew exactly how to hurt each other. There was so much history and resentment that I honestly wasn’t sure anything could change anymore. Somehow he helped us slow everything down and start seeing the person underneath all the frustration. We are closer now than we have been in years, and for the first time in a very long time, I actually feel hopeful about us.”
R.P.
Married more than 20 years
From the writing
All articles- For professionalsWhat relationship coaching is, and what it is notThe field gets a jaded rap, and I understand some of it. What coaching is, what it is not, and why the person choosing a coach has to do their own vetting.Read more
- DatingWhen dating stops feeling worth itThe letdown, over and over, turns into a numbness that is hard to date from. Three things that cause it — and what actually helps with each one.Read more
- MarriageStaying close to someone who is struggling, without disappearingWhen a spouse is unwell, love and self-preservation stop feeling like the same thing. On boundaries that are not abandonment — and on what belongs to licensed professionals.Read more
Noam has also written at The Times of Israel since before this site existed.
The writing, sent to you.
What the method looks like in an ordinary week: the argument that keeps coming back, a teenager who has gone quiet, whether you like this person or just like being chosen. Tell me where you are and I’ll send you what fits.